Ever Younger Masters and Black Belts

When will the Young-Fu madness stop?

All right, enough already; I suppose it's time for a bit of rant mode. This "my son is only three and he's a black belt" madness has got to stop!

It seems increasingly often we can read about "The youngest taekwondo black belt in [insert country/state/city here]", or "Only [insert age here] and already a black belt in karate." A recent case in question is this article from the UK.

And let us not forget about the "master" label that is thrown around all too often. One thing is that the media nitwits sometimes seems to believe getting a black belt promotion in a martial art is synonymous to being a master. Another thing is when a young teenager gets to a relative high grade of fourth dan in taekwondo and is entitled to call herself a master.

Young black belt masters - Original image from Flickr.com

So young, and oh so cute

Yes this kids are cute and all that, and I have no doubt that they are good at kicking and punching and doing patterns and all the other stuff they do. All fine and dandy but that's beside the point.

There is nothing I want more than to see young people thrive in the martial arts and enjoy their art, their progresses and all the benefits the arts can give them. But do we really need to cling these really advanced titles to youngsters and hype up grades and promote like there's no tomorrow just to boast that "we have the youngest black belt in the country"? No way!

Six years old and a black belt in taekwondo after a little more than two years of training...? Fifteen years old and a fourth dan master in taekwondo after only 10 years of training...? In my book, this is wrong on so many levels.

Just mark my words, someone will eventually be promoted to "diaper-dan" black belt. "still wearing diapers and already a lean, mean killing machine - cute but deadly!" (and I'n not referring to the Japanese Sumo wrestlers wearing what looks like diapers here, I'm talking about the actual poop-pant, baby deal). Kind of like this Dragon Baby but obviously not as awesome :-)

So what do you think? Do you agree that we're doing children and young people a huge disservice by pimping titles and grades prematurely? Do we really have to cave in to the black belt factories and McDojos? ...Or am I simply an outdated and grumpy, boring old fart, perhaps someone even a bit envious? Let your voice be heard!

Dangerous Martial Arts Frauds

More than just martial arts shenanigans

Fraud - Image from Flickr.com

A recent blog post from my good colleague, "The Stick Chick" Jackie Bradbury got me thinking.

The post in question is a cross post from another great blog (you should read both blogs of course), Colorado Springs Ninjutsu and it's about the apparent dangers of martial arts frauds.

As you are probably well aware of by now, I tend to write quite a lot about all the shenanigans and outright craziness within the martial arts community - this whole blog here is dedicated to the grand scheme of martial arts antics.

And boy is there ever an abundance of "juicy" material and apparent wrongdoers to choose from!

Still, in spite of my knowledge about the arts and the subject at hand, I guess I wasn't fully aware of just how dangerous these martial arts fraudsters can be.

The true dangers of fraud in the martial arts

The fact of the matter is that you should head on over to either of the aforementioned blogs and read the article in full - it really is that important to understand the full scope of what these martial arts charlatans are capable of doing.

The truth is that frauds are really, really dangerous people, capable of doing serious damage to everyone around them - family, relatives, friends, associates, colleagues, business partners ... and of course heir students.

Here's an excerpt from the original article:

Many people think that frauds are harmless, but I can't begin to count all the cases of someone who lies about being a martial arts master who also have criminal records. It is actually easier to list the frauds without criminal records than list all the guys who have spent time behind bars.

There are guys like James Hydrick, who tried to pass himself off as a kung fu master with psychic powers who is now in a mental hospital after molesting 6 boys whom he lured in using martial arts tricks. He also has convictions for kidnapping, torture and a few other things.

There is Ron Collins, whom I have detailed a bit in my blogs as he faced the legal system. He is in a mental institution as well as I write this, and if he gets out he still has to go to court for making terroristic threats. Not to mention his prior convictions involving a 13 year old girl.

There is Troy Zink, with convictions for rape and weapons charges who is suspected in the disappearance of Tera Lynn Smith over a decade ago.

Nimr Hassan, who claims to have been made the head of the Koga ryu by James Mitose and who murdered an elderly man.

And these are just the start. I can't even hope to list all the martial arts instructors that have convictions for rape and sleeping with their under-age students.

James Hydrick in action

Serial Rapist Martial Arts Expert

Police did not believe first victim

Serial Rapist - image from yorkpress.co.uk

A British woman, now 29, came dangerously close to being raped by serial offender - described as a martial arts expert - Mark Thompson, in York back in 2009.

The woman was saved by two nightclub bouncers who heard her screams as she fought the violent sex attacker.

Thompson was arrested on suspicion of attempted rape and taken into custody, only to be released short time later. The victim was understandably shocked when authorities told her they didn't believe her claims of a sexual assault.

"It did not take them very long to decide they didn't believe me."
"It was a strange feeling. It was if I was the one who had done something wrong. I was so disappointed." (read the whole article here).

Because the prosecutors did not believe the victim, the serial rapist was set free to attack three more women.

It has also emerged that a total of 68 rape cases has been wrongly closed by Cleveland and Northumbria Police after they concluded no crime had been committed...

Arrested again

Then, five years later, in 2013, the same man was back in police custody. This time around he was brought in for kidnapping a 21-year-old student off a York street, raping her three times. Following that incident, two more victims came forward.

At Teesside Crown Court in May, [the first victim's] evidence helped convict Thompson [...].
The 37-year-old had denied nine charges, including three of rape, one of attempted rape and one of kidnap.
A judge branded him "one of the most dangerous offenders I have ever had to deal with."

The man was later given a life sentence for the crimes.

The 2009 victim added: "If they had taken my complaint more seriously five years ago these girls would not have had to go through things as bad or much worse than I did. That's what makes me really angry."

Not a Ninja After All

Now apologize to the man!

OK, here's a Missouri nitwit who, in true martial arts nutcase style, threatens a police officer with grave physical harm... being a totally bad a** ninja and all that. So, what's new you might ask, we all know fantasy ninjas are known for a certain degree of odd behavior.

The thing is that this individual attempted to make his scare tactics even more scary by claiming to be nothing less than a black ninja. Yes, you heard that right, a black ninja.

According to police, [...] left three messages on the St. Charles detective's work line. Each message was lengthy and contained threats of shooting and killing the detective and his family, police said.
[...] identified himself on the recorded messages and claimed he was a former Army Ranger and a black ninja.

The ninja was white

I suppose the threat could have been somewhat more believable if this oh-so-scary character had not been such a totally white individual...

And I' might be led to think this is one of the reasons why our ninja was handed a (suspended) sentence which also included writing a letter of apology to the threatened detective. This apology should probably read something like this:

Dear Officer so-and-so
I'm truly sorry I claimed to be a black ninja. As we all know I'm as white as they come. I truly apologize for any confusion this claim may have caused.
Yours truly,
White Ninja

Black ninja was white

Martial Arts Voodoo

More martial arts magicians in action

Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's definitely time to revel in some more amazing display of martial arts voodoo - magicians showing us how we, the simple mortals and martial arts nitwits, obviously do things totally wrong!

How come I can't stare people down, throw an attacker with the slightest of touch or get a opponent to go totally bonkers with awesome chi powers? Man, do I ever need a better teacher! We all know there's nothing wrong with the student... Can you do this? No? Well you need a better teacher as well since there's nothing wrong with you either!

Martial arts voodoo - it's definitely out there

Voodoo in the fighting arts

Tai cheats in action

The Stare Fu master

We have shared this one before. However, it's too good (as in too bad) to be  left out of this martial arts shenanigans rundown.

Force field fail

Here's what happens when the force is not with you yet... you're in for a surprise and a sore butt!

Martial Arts Dance

Martial arts music and dance

Could definitely be tempted to call this martial arts dance and music fail, perhaps even add the word epic - like in epic fail - to the equation.

Let's get something absolutely clear, I love music and I definitely have nothing at all against dancing. Being a musician, it would be strange saying something else now wouldn't it? Sure, there are forms of music not being up my alley, as well as dancing I really can't say I enjoy watching, but that's beside the point - these art forms are great.

There is also much evidence that martial artists tend to be involved in other forms of arts as well, dance, music, figurative arts, films etc. In other words they co-exist just fine.

It's when someone tries - more or less desperately - to blend these forms of art that we often get serious hick-ups. Has it been done successfully? You tell me, perhaps in some movie? Personally, I can't seem to recall an instant where the martial arts were shown off successfully in a dance, aerobic, music video context.

Another vital point: I'm not referring to the dances and the music that are part of the old martial arts traditions, like the ones you may find in traditional kung fu, silat etc. This is just great.

Now, let's have a look at a couple of examples that makes me want to slap my head. First out is the brilliant Karate Rap. Not much 'rap' in here though...

Ichi, ni san, chi, come ereybody train karotyyyy! Awesome eh? I'm am so glad I didn't grow up in the 80's and had to listen to this kind of 'c-rap'.

Moving on, let's have a look at this - should we say rather uninspiring and bland - aerobic style wing chun kung fu dance. At least it's a good idea to have people in perfect sync when you attempt to entertain with a group performance like this. Note: The music had to be removed since it was a copyrighted song in use.

And then finally, let's bring home the bacon with this more recent "jiu-jitsu rap". Yup, it's non other than the Gracie's going at it with rap and fight action scenes (at least it's more like real rap). But the lyrics.. Trying to blend the techniques into a lyric is ... special :-)

Martial Arts Dance

Martial Arts Movie Fights

Coming straight from a action movie fighting/self-defense seminar with Justo Dieguez - founder of Keysi Fighting  (Justo is a well know fight director for Hollywood stuff like the Batman films) - I was reminded of how much more fun it is to participate rather than being a spectator or behind the scene.

With that said, it is always good to know your place and not stepping out of line, like the sound guy participating in this funny kung fu movie style commercial - martial arts antics in a fun way :-)

Martial arts movie fights

Martial Arts Style Dying On Screen

Less stylish ways of going belly up on film

There are many great - as well as not so great - martial arts movies where characters from all works of life are ahem... convinced to 'kick the bucket' (also known as 'draw one's last breath', 'cease to be' or 'meet one's maker') in quite elaborate and - dare I say - charmingly convincing ways. It's part of the genre so to speak.

I suppose it is virtually impossible these days to find new ways to have someone killed or assassinated without creating something that is totally laughable. So, most of the scenes have to settle for the old-fashioned, yet more or less trustworthy ways of having someone bite the dust.

Fortunately for us martial arts maniacs, there are a number of movie scenes to be found that fall into one of the above categories: A. Totally unbelievable methods, or B. Believable methods but weird and silly results.

And of course, we have some shiny examples for you... Can't leave you in the cold, now can we? :-)

So her you go: Ninja stars and other silly ninja weaposns,, flame-thrower sai, dim mak, weird groin attacks, endless death screams, karate chops (that we all know is really judo chops...), terrible acting,  hopeless weapons defenses, shoot outs, funny looks and overall mayhem. Doesn't get any worse than this!

Totally unbelievable martial arts style deaths

Laughable ways to act out a martial arts style death scene

In other words a legitimate way to have someone meet their maker, but with an over-the-top, opera-like effect. I suppose you will have to watch an opera to find someone taking a longer time to croak...

Karate Aftershave

Hai Karate, just what a man needs!

Why on earth did they take this awesome product off the market? It appears to me, this is just what a regular guy like me could use. It seems the stuff was so potent that guys had to use self-defense - like the famous karate chop - in order to survive :-)

Perhaps the effect was so strong that people got into fistfights and someone ended up suing (known as sue-jitsu) the manufacturer? Oh well. Stuck without Hai Karate and lame pickup lines which don't work as advertised... What's a poor boy gonna do?

Face Your Fears With Martial Arts

Martial arts: Also about facing your fears

But then again, who said you can't just face them before you run off screaming? Doing the ancient art of 'Chicken-do' is always an option (sometimes even the wisest move of them all)!

Remember, there is more unique martial arts shenanigans and overall mayhem to behold at this Facebook page (Martial Arts Humor)

Female Ninja Polygamists Attack

Home invading polygamist female ninjas

When you have a news piece referring to female ninja - apparently polygamists even - being fought off with a sword, you know you have entered the realm of real martial arts maniacs and some fr out lunacy. Truth be told, the two home invaders, aged 18 and 22, were only dressed like ninja ... but still; you got to love the internet!

Based on the above, you get no brownie points for directing your attention to morons... Oops, that should be Mormons in Utah.

And what lies behind such a strange ninja style home invasion - weird behavior even by U.S terms? To phrase a police spokesperson: "I've never seen anything like this in my career."



It appears that the resident the two wanna-be female ninja intruders hit - armed with stun guns and knives - was the home of a witness and victim in a criminal child sex assault case against a man the women allegedly said was their "husband". It is believes the two black-clad "wives" were there to abduct a 14-year-old girl inside.

The girl was allegedly a rape victim - a crime the "husband" was charged with. The man was charged in July 2014 with one count of rape, a first-degree felony, and the girl was scheduled to testify against him at his preliminary hearing,

The and result was that the home was defended by a male adult armed with a sword and that he was able to hold the two intruders at bay until police arrived with the help of another male at the scene.

A truly crazy story indeed and you should absolutely read it in full - perhaps you're able to piece things together and understand more of the apparent mayhem than what I'm able to. You can also read more here (links to ksl.com).

15th Dan And Counting

So, you're just a simple 10th dan?

Just a 10. dan black belt you say? Ha, laughable! That's all there is to say about it. You're obviously not very good at what you're doing ... slower learner perhaps? Or, you're into the wrong arts.

On the other hand, it may also be that you haven't yet been introduced to the ancient martial art of Con Fu.

This is the art where you simply claim whatever you want to be and post your enchilada of awesome titles and achievements on the internet. Since it's out there, it has to be true - it's as simple as that!

15th dan ranks from here to kingdom come - any ninja wanna-be world wide will be green - or rather black with a taint of green - with envy. Heck, they would even trade in their favorite nunchuck for a swing at just one 15. dan rank :-)

First, invent your own style (or better yet, styles). Then go totally over the top with fake titles, grades, diplomas and affiliations. Congratulations, you are now a Hokey Soke, a certified martial arts maniac!

Here's a Facebook post on the subject:

The easiest way to become a 10th dan, or even a 12th dan if you want, is to invent your own marital art, print up a fancy certificate and some business cards stating that you are a 10th dan, and throw up a facebook page. Heck, you don’t even need to open your dojo. Who is going to challenge you if you are the founder of that particular martial art? Buddabing, buddaboom, you are a living legend in your own mind and the poor unsuspecting students and their parents will never know the difference. They will even pay for the bragging rights to say their kid is being trained by a 9th or 10th dan.
Does this actually happen? You bet!

Guys and gals, it's not too late... Remember to hurry up and grab your own style and totally awesome titles today before it's too late and some other martial artist have claimed the rights to the OK Soke spot!

Secret Martial Arts Moves

Secret and lesser known martial arts moves

In our series "Secret and Lesser Known Martial Arts Moves You Need to Know" we have come to the Morote Scrotum Nage, or Two-Handed Groin Throw.

This highly effective, very painful and totally surprising throwing technique will send your opponent (or attacker) flying in no time - to be used with caution!

Smooth Karate Kata

Smooth karate moves

Just when you think you've finally got the hang of doing your awesome karate patterns and you've sense you may actually got it all down to a T, along comes something and someone shattering your world of hard-earned confidence.

Here is what the martial art of karate-do is all about - smooth moves, like awesome hip thrusts and sneaky blocking arm movements. I dare say classy!

So there you have it karateka around the globe - it's back to the dojo for you lot; hips don't lie ("thrust" me)! And I almost forgot... you have to implement the final salute, it's vital for the overall impression.

And in case you might wonder, here's a more traditional karate stance (you will have to agree it doesn't look half as smooth...):

Karate kata - Image from Flickr.com

Dangerous Backyard MMA Fighting

In this disturbing video clip seen below (viewer discretion is advised, graphic content!) you can see two teenagers in Brazil doing some sort of mixed martial arts type fight.

The tragic result is that one of the boys was choked to death as the other person held the choke on for far too long. The original video clip goes on much longer than this and the fatal neck hold is maintained for a minute or more (!)

The offender here is either well aware of what he's doing and is a cold blooded murderer. Either that, or he's unaware of the dangers. In either case, it's a sad example of why any sort of martial arts training of any type - MMA style fighting like this in particular - needs to be done under proper supervision by a skilled and experienced instructor.

Another sad side to the above tragedy is that it isn't really that hard to escape a headlock as it is done here; you just have to train for it. If you don't know how, it's an extremely dangerous attack.

Underground MMA fighting - Illustration from Flickr.com

The Art of Sue-Jitsu

Sue-Do, Sue-Jitsu or Sue-Mo

The (not really) noble art of suing for everything and anything under the sun appears to me to be an almost exclusive North-American phenomenon. We have had martial art parents (from the US) try the same stuff here when someone have been an idiot and hurt themselves tripping into something. You might say they were basically just ignored or smiled at until they gave up or left.

Make no mistake about it, the right to sue someone for instances of obvious recklessness, slander, gross misconduct etc. is vital in a modern democracy. That said, I do feel the right to present a lawsuit is abused way too often ... at least it seems that way to a casual observer seeing things from the outside.

No sweating here!

Case in point: A taekwondo student taking a course at a local recreational center in Louisiana recently sued the center, the instructor and the taekwondo operator following an alleged injury after being involved in martial arts practice, the female taekwondo student slipped in some sweat on the floor and fell...

(...) contends that the floor did not have any mats or padding and she slipped and fell in sweat or another slippery substance and was injured.
The defendant is accused of not supplying corrective safety equipment, not properly supervising the participants, creating a hazardous conditions and failing to see what he should have seen.

Oh dear... I guess all martial arts schools may need to pad everything down so that there is no risk of anyone getting hurt, like braking a nail or having bruises.

What do you think? Are people really daft or are some instructors, schools and arts to blame for students getting injured like this? Feel free to comment below.

Martial arts sue-jitsu - Image from Flickr.com

Flying Kick Demo Fail

The brain is quite a wonderful invention!

When used properly, like in thinking, calculating stuff, performing basic tasks involving logic and doing some simple planning sessions, the brain can be a really useful tool to have in your possession.

Based on this assumption, I think it is safe to conclude, without exaggerating things too much, that a fully functional brain is something of a necessity when it comes to pulling off a martial arts demonstrations successfully... unless of course your ultimate goal is to be viewed as a martial arts maniac.

Based on the video clip below, a few things should become quite clear:
- A balloon is probably not the best target for kicking demonstrations
- You should avoid placing the target between yourself and a flying kick
- Measuring the distance the kick will travel beforehand is recommended
- It takes more than a nicely executed kick to have a successful flying kick demo
- A kicking fail is always sort of fun to watch

Balloonatics in action

Both Fighters Knocked Out

Both fighters gets knocked out

It's not often you see both fighters knocked out at the same time like in the video clips shown below. But yes, it does happen and it does indeed look weird (to say the least); some would say it's definitely a martial arts fail - other's will lean more towards a simpler and less awkward "sh** happens".

Then there are those folks, like yours truly, who would go as far as saying it is even quite funny to watch. Probably not quite as funny watching it afterwards if you are one of the involved fighters though...

First, here are two mixed martial arts fighters hitting the light switch in perfect sync:

And here are two Muay Thai fighters with a perfectly executed double nut-shot (aka. I-knee-do):

And finally, here's a really strange situation... A mixed martial arts fight where both fighters fall out of the cage together (in a clinch) and gets knocked out:

Muay Thai vs My Toe

'Toetally' awesome bag-work!

There is something about working out on the heavy bag... The feeling of a good workout; the joy of knowing your punches and kicks improve, the solid sound of 'thud' as your leg connects with a good roundhouse kick...
...and sometimes the excruciating pain as one of your limbs connects with solid object as you miss the target completely.

Something tells me the video clip seen here may explain why many Muay Thai fighters are as tough as they come. No pain, no gain and all that.

What you may want to consider as a take-away from this clip is that it is often beneficial to consider the ramification of attempting to hit a moving target - oh, and also that pain really hurts.

Taekwondo Expert Says Murder is No Big Deal

In Russia, murder is no big deal (according to murderer)

Here's one of these cases from the "Martial Arts Nutcase" archives that will likely have you shake your head in disbelief.

The case in question is about a Russian taekwondo expert and former hockey player who immigrated to Israel in 2004. In 2009 the man murdered six members of a family in Israel. The murderer was reportedly a former employee at a restaurant owned by the family he later slaughtered.

Reports said he was fired from his work in 2007 after being caught on video drinking on the job. Police representatives later said the humiliation of his firing together with a gambling addiction he had may have driven the man to plot the murder and robbery of the victims.

Police allege that [the suspect] plotted out the murders long in advance, down to the last detail. "His voice did not shake during his first confession. There was no regret expressed at first. In fact, there was a kind of pride," said Supt. Elidov Hecht, who headed the Suspect Taskforce on behalf of the Central Unit. "He is a very cruel, very arrogant, cold blooded man," Hecht added.

One of the most bizarre parts of the case is probably what the nut-job allegedly uttered during an interrogation following his arrest.

"I don't understand why you are so overwrought over the murder of an entire family, It's not such a big deal in Russia."

Should be needless to say anything more about this individual after a statement like that...

Punching Bag Punching Back

The revenge of the punching bag

It's just a guess but I do have the impression that some times punching backs, focus mitts, pads and similar martial arts related tools get's one hit too many and decides to strike back. At least you can't blame them if they snaps one day and decides that enough is enough...

The clip below is a good example of how things can turn out less elegant than the martial arts enthusiast have envisioned. It gets particularly funny when you see all the well rehearsed preparation that goes into the punch and how well placed the counter strike is.

Another punching fail for the history books. How I love the fighting arts and the internet shenanigans! :-)

Showing Off Taekwondo Fail

Deputy flashing martial arts skills

There are places where, and times and when it is absolutely OK, perhaps even quite nice to show some of your fancy martial arts techniques and elaborate skills that you have worked so hard for.

Then there are those situations when said display of awesomeness will bring you nothing but ridicule or even heaps of trouble...

While a brief display can be totally fine as long as it's for a good cause, it's being asked for and you don't hurt, insult or enrage someone. One example is the recent TV debate, when Swedish Prime Minister Candidate Stefan Löfven was asked to show a few jujutsu tricks after the debate was over. Totally lighthearted and kosher.

Also a prearranged demo, say for instance to market your art or martial arts school or as a part of a community fair is of course totally fine. It's been cleared beforehand in those cases.

When showing off is not OK

There are, as previously stated, times when flashing your kicks and punches - or indeed grappling skills - will land you in trouble faster than you can say 'peak-a-poo'.

A Denver Sheriff's deputy recently discovered the effect of performing his taekwondo kicks to the wrong audience when he - as well as his colleagues - ended up having to control a jail inmate.

I'm pretty sure the martial arts nitwit is a nice guy and that he has great kicks and all that. But seriously... Showing off in an environment like that? In law enforcement and security line of work The brain is designed to be used, that's all I can say really.

Muay Thai Fight Humor

This is definitely not a martial arts fail!

Some might probably tag this clip as martial arts fail, to me that would be a huge mistake. Personally, I would take an opposing view and argue that we are looking at full-blown martial arts win here - great martial arts humor as well as action (although probably not the best of fighting skills...).

This could probably have been set up as some sort of slap stick arranged type of fight. However, you can see that these guys are really going for knocking each other out ... as well as the referee it seems :-)

A Real Life Martial Arts Nutcase

A kung fu killer as bad as they come

This mad and bogus kung fu master from Spain have been described as "manipulative and selfish", an arrogant person who ran his gym like a sect.

While I have met a few in the martial arts community who could probably be described as having a few of these personal traits, I have never ever encountered someone who also woul be described as a cold blooded serial killer, a martial arts maniac who "enjoyed having sadistic sexual relations with defenseless women, beating them and then taking photographs."

I suppose it's safe to say we are looking at a real f-ed up individual here, someone we luckily don't come across every day.

The dangerous weirdo is now on trial for murdering two women in 2013 and it is suspected that he may be guilty in other similar crimes as well.

Police say that they discovered photographs of a naked woman who had been bound and blindfolded standing in front of the body of the man. Initially, the police believed that he might have murdered other women.

A real nutcase, murderer and bogus kung fu master

A Taste of Mixed-Up Martial Arts

Dive in for a taste of mixed-up martial arts!

Ah, the sweet smell of success and victory; the bitter taste of defeat; the strange taste of ... something completely different.

Some say defeat and submission is not an option, I say bull! Sometimes that is absolutely the best choice in crappling.

Kung Fu Inspired Swallowing

Start small with kung fu inspired swallowing!

In our 'Blast from the past' series of martial arts shenanigans we have come to one of the absolute best of the lot. And first off, I have to say this out loud: "I love any serious martial arts nutcase!" There, I said it, had to get it off my chest.

Anywho... It seems this Chinese wanna-be kung-fuka was so impressed with the feats of kung fu sword swallowers that he decided to follow suit.

As any smart (?) kung-fuka in training would do, he started out small - swallowing smaller items like nail clippers, nails and stuff. Only thing is - he didn't consider taking the items out after swallowing them. It should perhaps ring a bell that you would be very surprised if you were to find any real sword swallower leaving the sword there permanently...

Over a period of a month, the nut-job was able to gather quite a cargo of metal in his stomach - a cargo that finally led to massive pains and an admission to hospital. It reportedly took surgeons several hours to remove the rusted metal items from his stomach.

Reports said the nitwit was looking for work as a stuntman after the unfortunate affair. "I think I've proved that I'm tough and willing to do anything," the man allegedly told reporters. Truer words have probably never been spoken :-)

Kung fu inspired swallowing of swords - Image from Flickr.com

From Karate to Run-Fu

Awesome display of Chic-Ken-Do!

It's pretty obvious this karate kid was a bit too confident about his karotty abilities and that he was in for a surprise when the feathered opponent of his decided to give him a taste of the far superior art of chick-ken-do.

The young karate fighter did the only right move given the change of events when he opted for a hasty run-fu tactic. Some times a retreat is the best way forward...

Toe-Kwan-Do

'Toetally' new art: toe-kwan-do

Here's the fresh and little known art of Toe Kwan Do (some times incorrectly spelled Toe Kwon Do). The art is similar to the better known taekwondo but it differs in one major area.

In toe kwan do you get points for taking spectacular hits, and the front face block (shown here) evidently gives you an immediate victory. It may also give you an immediate visit to the emergency room ... but that's considered more like a minor nuisance and something to be reckoned with in this full contact martial art.

A Kung Fu Cut Below the Rest

When master says cut, you cut!

Just revisited this strange and weird kung fu story from China back in late 2010. And when I say weird, I mean really out there, like in totally martial arts maniac approved type of weirdness.

It's about this 60-year-old Chinese man who deliberately cut off his wiener - thus the 'kung fu cut below the rest' title.

And why in the name of Buddha did he even consider this to be a good idea in the first place - saying goodbye to his trouser dragon, chopping off his chopper so to speak? A, glad you asked... Well, here's why.

It appears his sifu (master) came to him in a dream, telling him that he had to get rid of the fun stick in order to advance the chosen martial art - apparently some type of qi gong. Waking up the next morning he did as any good (but somewhat gullible) martial arts student would do - exactly as told by the master...

Chop 'til you drop, master says - Image from Flickr.com

Wanna-Be Martial Artists Fail

Total martial arts shenanigans

Kind of crazy how some folks manage to fall down the stairs after a stupid kick. What is even crazier is that the same individuals post their martial arts to video sharing sites for the whole world to see...

Yes, I admit it - I definitely do stupid martial arts related things myself. However, I don't have the habit of posting it online ... guess that makes me a coward. Could possibly also indicate I have friends that want to spare me the humiliation.

Ninja in Training, Not a Thief

Young Swedish ninja enthusiast in action

Sweden -- Seeing a black clad figure jumping from the next-door balcony, a worried Stockholm resident recently called police about a possible break-in at his neighbor's home.

When police soon after arrived on the scene, they found no sign of a break in. However, they did find a young ninja in training, mid practice. The balcony leap was allegedly some sort of advanced ninja training. 

The homeowner's son had apparently jumping and doing other acrobatic tricks, like scaling walls - clad in full ninja attire of course - as a part of his regular practice routines.

Here's how it get's interesting for sure: A police spokeswomen noted that they were accustomed to such odd operations, and that she "didn't even raise an eyebrow".

"Exciting day on the job - and what a great outfit!" the police reportedly wrote on their Facebook page after the incident.

All wanna-be ninja out there: It appears Stockholm, Sweden is the place to go (at least somewhat) ninjackass if that's something which might tickle your fancy!

Ninja in training, workout - Image from Flickr.com

Karate Expert Facing Machete

Karate expert claims not enough

In this case from March 2011, you can easily see why claiming to have lethal skills in the art of karate is one thing. Properly taking care of someone going after you with a machete is another thing all together.

In any case, sunstar.com.ph had an article about a 31-year-old man who - under the influence of alcohol (of course) - challenged a village neighbor to a fight in in the Philippines.

The nut-case claimed he was a karate expert and a "blackbelter". The neighbor apparently didn't fancy a regular fist fight. Rather, he got hold of a machete and hacked the karate nutcase to death.

Personally, I am pretty certain I'd drop any fancy pants kung fu attempts and rather go for a hasty 'run fu' if someone pulled a weapon like that on me.

Martial arts expert claims not always enough - image from Flickr.com

Sleazy Ninja

A sleazy ninja priest with killer tools

Small wonder ninjas are considered king of awesome by all registered and legitimate martial arts maniacs when you can revel in destructive behavior as seen in this video.

I mean, flame-throwing sai, smoke bombs, throwing stars, concealed ball and chain ... and the sound effects? Martial arts antics can't possibly get any better and further out than this. No way Jose!

Slapkido

Forget the regular bullshido, it's time for slapkido!

Yes boys and girls, you've obviously been lied to. You've probably been taught that you need to punch and kick properly, that it's vital to have a good, solid base/stance and all that jazz?

Well, here's a revelation for you - you don't need proper body mechanics at all. It's just as effective - probably lots more effective - reverting to you childhood slapping and running around like you're possessed by evil martial arts spirits on amphetamine.

Seems the Slap Happy Ninja wasn't far off after all! Or could it be that it's just another martial arts fail...? Please say it ain't so! :-)

Singing Karate Nutcase

Bad singing and really bad karate (blast from the past)

Back in October of 2012 sundayworld.co.za had an article about a journalist and karateka who did not take too lightly on a female colleague teasing him on his singing at work.

The hot headed - and dear we say, excessively heavy handed - vocal "performer" reportedly went ballistic, threw the woman to the floor, kicking and stomped her while screaming: "You are taking me for granted! You are taking me for granted!"

For sure, this is a karate nutcase firing on all cylinders. However, we can't obviously have people criticizing our heartfelt  singing without any form of repercussion (some minor, hands on "attitude adjustment"), now can we?

Bad singing, worse karate - image from Flickr.com

MMA Backflip Flop

A serious backlip fail, MMA style

Man, this MMA backflip fail sure has got to hurt, like a lot. Still, when martial arts antics like this one comes along, you really have to struggle not to laugh.

And dang, these mixed martial arts fighters are tough! When their opponents don't manage to do enough damage, they simply finish the job themselves. Now that's the kind of full on attitude and sportsmanship that marks a true martial arts maniac!

A martial arts fail hardly gets any better than this - a " flying reverse face-plant" after trying way too hard to impress. Dude, I'm impressed!

Mixed-Up Martial Arts #1

Aikido apparently a part of MMA

Yes boys and girls, we obviously got it all wrong ... totally bass ackwards. Not only is aikido hot stuff when it comes to self-defense (actually THE best form of self-defense), it is even an integral part of mixed martial arts (MMA) - aikido-you-not.

I really wonder why some folks seems to keep important secrets like this to themselves. This is so revolutionary and groundbreaking that it has to be heard all over the world!

The best self-defense "on" the world!

Here's what timesofindia.indiatimes.com had to say about the subject back in January 2013:

According to (...), a 15-day basic camp is enough for a woman to defend herself against one or two male members, and a three-month course would make her an expert.
According to (...), aikido or mixed martial arts is the best form of self-defense and is generally taught to commandos of special forces.
(...) of Association of Mixed Martial Arts India said, "aikido is an effective self-defense technique that focuses on dislocation of joints and nerve points. On mixed martial arts, Varma said that it was a combination of several martial arts such as Judo, Aikido, Muay Thai and Karate.

Dang; these akidoki guys really have to be good - an expert in three months... Beam me up Scotty, I definitely need this!

And who would have thought aikido is actually a self defense technique? Silly me, I kind of believed it was a martial art. OK then, I'm Grasshopper and it's back to the drawing board :-)

Aikido, apparently a part of MMA - image from Flickr.com

In case you wonder, we do in fact include a "blast from the past now and then". Really interesting martial arts brain-farts and over the top martial arts antics never goes out of style.

Slap Happy Ninja

Some weird ninja slapping going on

It's definitely legitimate to ask a question about what the heck is going on here. It's supposedly some sort of crazy ninja-style martial arts antics, that much is for certain.

I really do have to wonder if this is a spoof or for real. I am really worried it is for real though and that these ninjazzers actually believe they are learning how to punch effectively. Scary thought...

Taekwondo Olympian With a Bad Idea

Worse than a bad idea - it's plain crazy

UK -- When you go around informing others, verbally as well as in writing, that a named individual is a pedophile, you'd better be darned sure there's hold in those accusations.

Being proven wrong, this 44-year-old taekwondo instructor and Olympian is supposed to have said it was in hindsight "not a good idea" and that she was hot-headed... Not a good idea? It's a totally crazy idea only a very stupid individual could come up with to begin with.

Having had an apparent feud with the person being wrongfully accused is really not an excuse for coming forward as a complete martial arts maniac with a brain on vacation. Some times it's a good idea to stop for a while and take a few deep breaths, perhaps even reflecting on the values and philosophies of martial arts.

As a result of the false claims, the man who was accused was allegedly assaulted and beaten by vigilante, out to "seek justice".

It may indeed be as one of the comments says in the original article that it is strange the accuser hasn't been jailed and that "only a woman could get away with this". What do you think?

Taekwondo Olympian With a Bad Idea - image from dailymail.co.uk

Taekwondo Black Belt Benefit Cheat

A taekwondo black belt benefit cheat from the UK

Being fit enough to do taekwondo on a high level, competing and going for you second dan black belt is a wonderful thing, no doubt about it.

It is when you combine this regular, and very physical, martial arts training with claiming disability benefits from the government that you sooner or later will have some rather serious explaining to do. Just like in this case involving a 40-year-old, British mother.

Taekwondo black belt benefit cheat - image from telegraph.co.uk

Extra Large, Extra Angry Martial Artist

Don't let this mad martial artist get a hold on you!

When you're being threatened and harassed by a huge (as in massively overweight), alleged martial arts expert while working as a constructor at his home, you better watch your back! I wouldn't really fancy a grappling situation with this guy...

And if you by any chance to wonder what ticked this martial arts maniac, weighing around 180 kilograms (or 400 pounds) off, then it appears some of the builders disturbed his pet snake (!) and showed disrespect to his Buddha statue. Oh yes, martial arts antics sure is alive and well, at least in the UK

You may read the whole story here. Or  let me rephrase that... You should read the whole story.

Extra large, extra angry martial artist - image from mirror.co.uk

Apparently a Scary Stare

Apparently a scary stare from this master!

Oh yes, this magician can stare you down ... literally. Talk about power, talk about force field! No hands needed at all, just brilliant...

Suppose this is the martial art you want to learn if you're in dire need of some self-defense tricks but don't fancy touching other sweaty individuals - just give them the evil eye and down they go!

There are martial arts that simply looks weird and then there are martial arts fail that also looks weird beyond belief - this video is in the latter category for sure.

How to Get Yourself Killed Knife-Defense

How a horrible knife defense will get you badly hurt 

I usually don't talk bad about other martial arts, styles, teachers or self-defense techniques. However, when there is something glaringly silly like this knife defense shown below, there is definitely time to make an exception.

Should you be crazy enough to try pulling off a knife self-defense stunt like this, you will be very lucky if you only ended up badly hurt. Holy Moly...

There are times when you might find it beneficial to go to the ground and fight from a prone position - being confronted by someone waving a knife is definitely NOT one of them.

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Torbjorn Arntsen